CEREBROSPINALECTOMY

Every consult, newest first.

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▶ REEL
Email: "Exciting news — our practice has joined a new partne
r20260912-18 · System satireCase manager: "He does not meet inpatient criteria.b20260910-14 · The Stroke NeurologistRecords: "We cannot accept the outside MRI electronically.b20260907-15 · The General NeurologistEmail: "Exciting news — our practice has joined a new partner network.b20260906-12 · The Stroke Neurologist
▶ REEL
Admin: "Your patient satisfaction score dropped.
r20260912-19 · System satireSchool nurse: "The seizure action plan needs a wet signature and a fax number.b20260824-10 · The EpileptologistIT: "The ambient AI writes your note now — you just sign it.b20260822-1 · The Localizer
▶ REEL
IT: "The ambient AI writes your note now — you just sign it.
r20260912-20 · System satireIs there a doctor on board?b20260822-9 · The Stroke NeurologistMe: "The AI note says the patient denied recent travel.b20260822-2 · The General NeurologistVet: "It's idiopathic vestibular disease. He'll be steady again in two weeks.b20260828-2 · The LocalizerFamily, watching a hospital show: "Is any of this real?b20260830-5 · The Stroke NeurologistCredentialing: "We need your medical school diploma.b20260827-12 · The General NeurologistWhy does the second hand seem to freeze the moment you glance at a clock?b20260827-24 · The EpileptologistSurvey: "This is completely anonymous.b20260827-16 · The General NeurologistStudent: "Why does the nerve to the voice box dive down into the chest and loop back up?b20260826-20 · The General NeurologistThe weakness starts in the toes and climbs — legs, then trunk, then hands. Guillain-Barré is the one disease polite enough to announce which floor it's on.b20260806-1 · The General NeurologistYour two brain halves cooperate only because of one 200-million-fiber cable. Sever it and each hemisphere runs its own agenda — same skull, two minds that stop telling each other anything.b20260801-1 · The LocalizerOff a cruise and the floor still rocks for days? Mal de débarquement — your brain learned the boat so well it refuses to unlearn it. Loyalty, basically.b20260817-21 · The Sports NeurologistWhy does a song get stuck in your head? An 'earworm' is your auditory cortex looping a catchy fragment — usually one it never got to finish. Your brain hates a cliffhanger.b20260817-25 · The EpileptologistLose enough hearing and the brain, refusing the silence, starts scoring your empty apartment with big-band music only you can hear.b20260815-23 · The EpileptologistA neurologist wearing a stethoscope is wearing jewelry. I brought a reflex hammer, a tuning fork, and a safety pin. The stethoscope is here for the photo.b20260813-24 · The LocalizerThe outside hospital sent your 'STAT' transfer imaging on a CD. A physical CD. In this economy.b20260715-6 · The Neuro-radiologistA TIA is a stroke that changed its mindb20260714b-6 · The Stroke NeurologistIn any other job, a concussion is a medical event. In football it's a depth-chart problem — 'next man up,' like a frontal lobe is a backup left tackle. You cannot sub in a spare brain from the bench. There's exactly one, and it doesn't come off IR in a week.b20260803-7 · The Sports NeurologistNurse: “he's a fall risk, I put the yellow socks on.” Me: “the whole floor is a fall risk — it's a sea of yellow socks.” The intervention is a color. Gravity remains undefeated.b20260810-12 · The General NeurologistChili isn't hot. It picks the lock on your heat-and-pain receptor, TRPV1, and your brain files a burn report for a fire that isn't there.b20260806-10 · The NeurosurgeonMy coffee has a coffee. The second one exists purely to resuscitate the first one after the morning it just had.b20260810-6 · The Sports NeurologistInsurance approved the drug — just not that one, or that dose, or for this diagnosis, or in this decade. The formulary is a menu where everything good is quietly marked 'market price.'b20260808-19 · The Localizer“Walk heel-to-toe like a sobriety test.” It IS the sobriety test — same midline cerebellum the beer was insulting. That roadside cop was running a neuro exam and had no idea.b20260808-12 · The General NeurologistA sideline 'concussion check' that takes 90 seconds and ends in a thumbs-up is a vibe check, not a neuro exam. The brain didn't agree to your broadcast schedule.b20260806-20 · The Sports NeurologistThe smallest muscle in your body lives inside your ear, and a split second before you speak it braces and turns your own voice down so you don't deafen yourself from the inside. Your body mutes you before you say a word. Some of us could use that upgrade elsewhere.b20260803-18 · The Neuro-radiologistLook at your own eyes in a mirror and flick them side to side. You will never catch them moving. Your brain switches vision off for a few milliseconds during each jump and stitches the gap so smoothly that you're briefly blind a fraction of every second — and never once notice.b20260803-17 · The Epileptologist'He's a warrior, he played through it.' Cool. The brain does not have a warrior mode. It has a swelling mode.b20260714b-19 · The Sports NeurologistYou asked one question. The MRI answered with three things nobody was looking for, each needing its own scan. This is how imaging quietly funds its own future.b20260727-16 · The Neuro-radiologist'Muscle memory' isn't in the muscle at all. Ten thousand reps live in your cerebellum and basal ganglia, running the play so your thinking brain gets to sit the bench.b20260726-18 · The Sports NeurologistA brain shunt is just indoor plumbing for spinal fluid — and like all plumbing, it clogs at 2 a.m. on a holiday weekend, never on a quiet Tuesday.b20260726-4 · The NeurosurgeonThere's a clump of about 20,000 neurons just above your eyes running a clock you cannot turn off.b20260723-4 · The EpileptologistBroken Q-tip...b20260714b-17 · The General Neurologist
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