CEREBROSPINALECTOMYArchive — 163 jokes on one page.
CARD VIEW →2026-11-08Neurosurgery gets a whole Awareness Month and a banner that says 'Precision That Changes Lives.' Neurology gets a differential, a reflex hammer, and 'let's watch it and see.'The Localizer
2026-10-24Cranial nerves, ranked by how impressive it looks when you find the problem.The Localizer · reel
2026-10-19Broadcast: "He has played two hundred and fourteen straight games.The Sports Neurologist · reel
2026-10-18Insurer: "The machine reports three point nine hours a night.The General Neurologist · reel
2026-10-08Insurer: "This is a retrospective review of the thrombolytic.The Stroke Neurologist · reel
2026-10-07College roommate, at a cookout: "Weird thing. A grey shade came down over my right eye.The Stroke Neurologist · reel
2026-10-07College roommate, at a cookout: "Weird thing. A grey shade came down over my right eye.The Stroke Neurologist
2026-10-05They just approved the first drug that fixes the actual cause of narcolepsy.Absurd nerdy · reel
2026-10-04Someone yelled 'CODE!' in the grocery store. I'd cleared a path to aisle 7 before I realized it was a coupon.The Stroke Neurologist
2026-10-03Someone yelled 'CODE!' in the grocery store. I'd cleared a path to aisle 7 before I realized it was a coupon.The Stroke Neurologist · reel
2026-10-01Student: "Why does the nerve to the voice box dive down into the chest and loop back up?The General Neurologist · reel
2026-10-01Student: "Why does the nerve to the voice box dive down into the chest and loop back up?The General Neurologist
2026-09-29They just approved the first drug that fixes the actual cause of narcolepsy.The Epileptologist · reel
2026-09-29Chart says 'acute on chronic.' Same, honestly. Chronically tired since residency, acutely tired since this pager went off. Acute on chronic isn't a diagnosis. It's my personality.The General Neurologist
2026-09-26'Altered from baseline.' Doctor — it's 3am. Nobody on this unit has a baseline. Not the patient, not the intern, not me, not the vending machine that's been beeping since Tuesday. We're all altered now.Relatable · reel
2026-09-25My hand fell asleep on the couch and I spent four honest minutes deciding whether it was ulnar or median.Relatable · reel
2026-09-25Hour fifteen. I have been looking at the same sodium for a full minute.The General Neurologist
2026-09-21My hand fell asleep on the couch and I spent four honest minutes deciding whether it was ulnar or median.The Localizer
2026-09-18They just approved the first drug that fixes the actual cause of narcolepsy.The Epileptologist
2026-09-17Denial letter: "This request was reviewed by our clinical decision system.System satire · reel
2026-09-15'Altered from baseline.' Doctor — it's 3am. Nobody on this unit has a baseline. Not the patient, not the intern, not me, not the vending machine that's been beeping since Tuesday. We're all altered now.The General Neurologist
2026-09-14Email: "Exciting news — our practice has joined a new partner network.System satire · reel
2026-09-14Email: "Exciting news — our practice has joined a new partner network.The Stroke Neurologist
2026-09-13School nurse: "The seizure action plan needs a wet signature and a fax number.The Epileptologist
2026-09-02Vet: "It's idiopathic vestibular disease. He'll be steady again in two weeks.The Localizer
2026-08-29Why does the second hand seem to freeze the moment you glance at a clock?The Epileptologist
2026-08-21The weakness starts in the toes and climbs — legs, then trunk, then hands. Guillain-Barré is the one disease polite enough to announce which floor it's on.The General Neurologist
2026-08-20Your two brain halves cooperate only because of one 200-million-fiber cable. Sever it and each hemisphere runs its own agenda — same skull, two minds that stop telling each other anything.The Localizer
2026-08-19Off a cruise and the floor still rocks for days? Mal de débarquement — your brain learned the boat so well it refuses to unlearn it. Loyalty, basically.The Sports Neurologist
2026-08-18Why does a song get stuck in your head? An 'earworm' is your auditory cortex looping a catchy fragment — usually one it never got to finish. Your brain hates a cliffhanger.The Epileptologist
2026-08-17Lose enough hearing and the brain, refusing the silence, starts scoring your empty apartment with big-band music only you can hear.The Epileptologist
2026-08-16A neurologist wearing a stethoscope is wearing jewelry. I brought a reflex hammer, a tuning fork, and a safety pin. The stethoscope is here for the photo.The Localizer
2026-08-15The outside hospital sent your 'STAT' transfer imaging on a CD. A physical CD. In this economy.The Neuro-radiologist
2026-08-14In any other job, a concussion is a medical event. In football it's a depth-chart problem — 'next man up,' like a frontal lobe is a backup left tackle. You cannot sub in a spare brain from the bench. There's exactly one, and it doesn't come off IR in a week.The Sports Neurologist
2026-08-13Nurse: “he's a fall risk, I put the yellow socks on.” Me: “the whole floor is a fall risk — it's a sea of yellow socks.” The intervention is a color. Gravity remains undefeated.The General Neurologist
2026-08-13Chili isn't hot. It picks the lock on your heat-and-pain receptor, TRPV1, and your brain files a burn report for a fire that isn't there.The Neurosurgeon
2026-08-11My coffee has a coffee. The second one exists purely to resuscitate the first one after the morning it just had.The Sports Neurologist
2026-08-09Insurance approved the drug — just not that one, or that dose, or for this diagnosis, or in this decade. The formulary is a menu where everything good is quietly marked 'market price.'The Localizer
2026-08-09“Walk heel-to-toe like a sobriety test.” It IS the sobriety test — same midline cerebellum the beer was insulting. That roadside cop was running a neuro exam and had no idea.The General Neurologist
2026-08-07A sideline 'concussion check' that takes 90 seconds and ends in a thumbs-up is a vibe check, not a neuro exam. The brain didn't agree to your broadcast schedule.The Sports Neurologist
2026-08-06The smallest muscle in your body lives inside your ear, and a split second before you speak it braces and turns your own voice down so you don't deafen yourself from the inside. Your body mutes you before you say a word. Some of us could use that upgrade elsewhere.The Neuro-radiologist
2026-07-30'He's a warrior, he played through it.' Cool. The brain does not have a warrior mode. It has a swelling mode.The Sports Neurologist
2026-07-29You asked one question. The MRI answered with three things nobody was looking for, each needing its own scan. This is how imaging quietly funds its own future.The Neuro-radiologist
2026-07-28'Muscle memory' isn't in the muscle at all. Ten thousand reps live in your cerebellum and basal ganglia, running the play so your thinking brain gets to sit the bench.The Sports Neurologist
2026-07-27A brain shunt is just indoor plumbing for spinal fluid — and like all plumbing, it clogs at 2 a.m. on a holiday weekend, never on a quiet Tuesday.The Neurosurgeon
2026-07-23There's a clump of about 20,000 neurons just above your eyes running a clock you cannot turn off.The Epileptologist